Present Discomfort

I keep checking in here....
As if to think that some part of me
Might have posted consciously
On my behalf...

In truth I am
Posting shameful writings elsewhere
My separate blogs serving
To separate
Aspects of my self...

I am not wholly unified...
Will I ever be?

I guess it does not matter
I just wish
To blog here instead of there...

It would indicate so much to me
About my own healing

-------------------------

I was blessed to receive a comment on my other blog
From a teenager
Who identified with my pain...

It served to remind me of my desired role
Of Survivor...

My irony is that
I wish to give hope to others and yet
Choose not to quell my own pain

I wish to deter re-victimization and
Self-mulitation
Yet I re-indulge myself in new ways, and old...

I remember reading of misery
In early teens, and longing deeply for it
Before I was aware of what was mine to own...

Healing is a journey, and it is not my place
To stop another
From journeying their path.

Pain can be poetic
But maintain balance...
There are no words to be written from beyond this life.

I guess I can say that where I once
Hurt myself
I now choose to write my pain...
Good or bad, it is my art...
I own it now...

But no longer will I let it defeat me--
Ragged razor marks on wrists,
Sickened spirit by popular toxins,
Double dog dares undenied unto an early death...

It is simply not about "cool..."