Sobs and Ocean Waves

Today, I stood within a most unexpected embrace...
I never would have guessed this man could help me...

I learned recently that incarnated Angels often put on excess weight in this realm
And this individual indeed fits that description...

There I stood with him, a strangest character....

Imagine that I'd allow this man to touch me...
To embrace me...
To let me breathe my pain into his chest...
Inhale, exhale...
Into a body type that is reminiscent of my primary Abuser...
Into a body type that I have so feared, as to deny the touch of one truest friend...
Yet, there I stood...
Terrified...
In this embrace, breathing with this man
In and out...
In, and out...
While he spoke
Of his willingness to take my pain from me...

Imagine that I let that happen...
That his touch was truly
Non-sexual...
That his compassion was genuine...
That for Once a man Held me without Wanting from me...
So few others have shown me that...

I wanted to run, and I did, after a mere few breaths...
I wanted to argue, that it was not for him to take my pain...
Imagine that I feared that, as though he asked to take something precious...
IT"S MINE, my innards screamed...

Yet, I realized what he was trying to tell me...
That it is okay for me Trust someone...
To trust Others sometimes...
That I have been alone with this burden for such a long time...
That I have held it tightly to me even when I've shared the Truth in words...

My levee broke...

I ran to the beach with fierce sobbing tears
And found an acquaintence there, standing by the surf...
Without a word I ran to him and cried my most private kind of cry....
The really, really ugly snotty hiccup kind...
And it was fine with him...
He just held me, safely...

Can you imagine that I'm learning
That it's okay for me to trust someone...
After 26 years of secretive loneliness?
As it turns out, they
Are not all predators....

This healing hurts so deeply...

Oy...